KEEPING THE MIRROR ON ME, NOT THE WORLD. (THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A BLOG BOOK PART ONE)

THIS AM I DECIDED TO START THE FIRST BLOG BOOK. I ALWAYS STATED THAT I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK SO, LADIES & GENTLEMEN HERE IT IS.

I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE FOUR SOMETHING, CAN'T SLEEP DREAMING AND MY THOUGHTS ARE ALL OVER THE PAGE. HERMOTIONS.

ONE OF THE THINGS I ATTEMPT TO DO IS KEEP WHAT I CALL THE MIRROR ON ME, CAUSE I' M NOT PERFECT BUT I' M STRIVING FOR SOMETHING HERE, IN THIS EXISTENCE CALLED LIFE.

I HAVE A REAL GENERAL LOVE FOR STRANGERS, FRIENDS AND REALLY ANY LIVING CREATURE BUT I ALSO HAVE RESPECT ENOUGH TO EITHER, BEFRIEND, AVOID, OR ADMIRE FROM A FAR (KEEPING IT REAL).

MY FOCUS AT THIS MOMENT IS TO FINISH A FEW COURSES THIS AM AND GET A CATNAP BEFORE CHURCH (VISITING ONE THIS AM) I' M ANXIOUS TO GET THIS MOVE TO TEXAS OVER WITH; GET SITUATED IN MY NEW DIGGS (HAVE NOT FOUND) AND JUST GET MY NEW LIFE STARTED, PER SAY.

I KNOW THAT GOD KNOWS AND HOLDS MY PAST, PRESENT AND FUTRE SO I' M GOOD. I ANTICIPATE SO MUCH IN THIS MOVE BUT THAT ANTICIPATION COMES FROM NONE OTHER THAN KNOWING THAT GOD IS!

WHEN MY KIDS WERE YOUNGER I WOULD TELL PEOPLE I WAS EXPERIENCING SEX, PUBERTY, AND PAMPERS (SON 16 TURNING SEVENTEEN, ELDEST DAUGHTER JUST TURNING TWELVE AND A NEW NU BABY) SO NOW I' M FEELING A FREEDOM I HAVEN'T FELT IN A LONG TIME. SO THIS ANXIOUSNESS IS A GOOD ENERGY NOT NEGATIVE IN ANY WAY I REALLY FEEL LIKE I HAVE WINGS AND CAN FLY-WITH LANDING PERFECTION.

FORTY FOR ME IZZZZZZZZ FABULOUS BECAUSE I'M COMING INTO KNOWING MYSELF MORE; AND WHO GOD IS CARVING ME OUT TO BE. A BETTER COOK, FRIEND, AND MOTHER. BUT THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE IN PLACE OF THE PANIC I USE TO FEEL TO BE MARRIED, OR ATTACHED, NEW HOME (BOUGHT BUT NOT PAID FOR) AND ALL THE THINGS WE ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE RIGHT NOW, I FEEL SOMETHING WAY GREATER THEN THAT STUFF WE NEED TO FEEL ALIVE. I WANT TO SAY ITS A CLOSER CONNECTION WITH GOD BECAUSE I HAVE NO WORRIES ABOUT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. (I' M PRACTICALLY HOMELESS)

MY PAST INTERACTION WITH THE MAN IN MY LIFE HAS LEFT ME FEELING BLESSED AFTER THE ANGER WORE OFF. BECAUSE THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES TEACH US SO MUCH ABOUT THEM AND; I THINK THE PERSON THAT WE LET OUR GUARDS DOWN TO AND REVEAL OUR REAL FEELINGS TO, CAN TEACH US SO MUCH ABOUT WHO THEY ARE IN OUR DAILY INTERACTIONS WITH THEM, I FEEL IT NECESSARY TO TAKE HEED TO WHAT THAT PERSON HAS TO SAY ABOUT HIMSELF, CAUSE ITS NOT ABOUT ME. (SOMETIMES I WOULD BE INSIDE MY HEAD ASKING MESELF QUESTIONS LIKE: AM I CRAZY, WHAT DID I DO, IS THIS PERSON FOR REAL.) YOU KNOW WHEN A PERSON SWITCHES ALL THAT BAGGAGE TO YOU AND IT HAS YOUR SPIRIT MAN TALKING TO YOU, LOL.

IN THE PAST I TOOK PEOPLES ACTIONS TOWARDS ME SO PERSONAL BUT I HAVE COME TO ONE CONCLUSION, "PEOPLE DON'T NECESSARILY HAVE ISSUES WITH YOU OR THE WORLD, ITS THE ISSUES WITHIN THEMSELVES THAT YOU END UP DEALING WITH." YES THIS IS MY QUOTE-BRILLIANT TOO, LOOK AT GOD, AS THE CHURCH STATES. REMEMBER THIS WORLD IS INCORRECT, GET INTO YOUR SPIRIT REALM CAUSE THINGS ONLY GET WORST, BUT ALSO REMEMBER THAT GOD WINS IN THE END, JUST GET ON THE RIGHT SIDE NOW.

WELL, ITS TIME TO GET OFF HERE HOPE READERS ENJOY MY THOUGHT PROCESS-MY FAMOUS QOUTE FROM SOMEONE IN THE SOUTH, "THERE IS A METHOD TO MY MADNESS".

BE ENCOURAGED AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY IN THE lORD!