Dating Advice From Dave - Introduction

Hello ladies! OK, some of you have asked me to write down some of my thoughts (or advice if you will) on the dating scene and how to find a quality guy. I'll give it my damnedest.

I guess the first question you might ask is, "Why should I listen to this corny white guy?"

Fair enough. Here's a little about me...

I'm 38 years old, a father of two and engaged to that hot chocolate vixen on the front of my page. I was previously married to a beautiful woman for 14 incredible years. Unfortunately, she developed a rare type of breast cancer and was taken from me and my children. She taught me what it meant to be a good husband through the good times and the bad. I've been blessed with finding another incredible woman to share myself with. Finding her wasn't easy. I had to learn some hard lessons when I got back into the dating scene. Hopefully my observations can be useful to you. What you can get from me is some honest answers from a guy who invests himself in a loving relationship. If you're looking for advice on how to find a player with serious swagger, I can't help ya. I'm here to help you (hopefully) find someone who will love and appreciate you as much as you love and appreciate them.

Turn about being fair play, I guess my first question to you would be, "Why are you reading this?"

I think one of the fundamental things we often don't do in life is question ourselves. Are you reading this because you're dating, but you keep dating the wrong kind of man for you? Are you reading this because you're simply not getting dates? Sit back and ask yourself that question. Really think about the place you're coming from. Once you have an honest answer for yourself, write down your thoughts.

Okay, let's begin...

Send me a question and we'll kick things off...

Tags: dating, relationships

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Comment by Tonya on May 28, 2009 at 11:05am: I'm even later coming in than Cicely...just discovered it today. Great jems, Dave! Keep tossing your pearls of wisdom to us single folks!

Comment by Cicely on May 8, 2009 at 1:15pm: Somehow, I'm just now finding your blog! Thanks...it was great reading. Keep educating us...LOL!

Comment by Gloria on April 12, 2009 at 7:33pm: Hi Dave! Thanks for responding. I guess the big deal behind the interacial couples is the history of the black/white relationship this country has had...I agree with you that it is about culture and respecting ones perspective of that culture...I think is great when a sista can find someone who has the capacity to to just that...there are more additives of course to add to having a good relationship as well as a good marriage....Peace

Comment by Dave on April 11, 2009 at 5:52am: Hi Gloria!
Thanks for the comment. I'll be posting something new soon.

Yes, this is my first interracial relationship. Prior to meeting my fiancee I was married for 14 years. My wife passed away from a rare form of breast cancer. You know its my observation that people make a big deal about Black/White interracial couples, yet any other race with a white person and most people are like "so what".

Here's the thing about interracial relationships...it isn't about race. It's more about culture. So there are somethings that are different that aren't about culture, like my fiancee was a bit amazed that I have to shower every day or else I'll look like a walking oil slick, but really when you get down to the nuts and bolts its really about understanding and respecting each other's cultural perspective. But isn't that ultimately what makes a good relationship no matter what?

Comment by Gloria on April 10, 2009 at 8:25pm: Wow, that was good Dave... Im a bit older than you and still found your words effective...You and your lady are a cute couple...I wish you and her all the peacefulness and blessing that the universe can give. I do have one question if I may? Is this your first interacial relationship? just curious, no judgement.

Comment by Dave on March 16, 2009 at 7:47pm: Honestly, I think that the media fabricates the idea that good men are rare. There are plenty of decent guys out there but they may not be out in plain site. Think about it. If you're a hardworking student or professional then you're probably not going to be found out at the bars till all hours of the morning. You're probably at the gym, taking some kind of fun class, volunteering, etc. OK, so I met my fiancee at a bar...but I wasn't there trying to meet someone. I was there for a beer tasting.

Here's an idea for you ladies. Trying going to something that is out of the ordinary when you think of places where you might meet your mate. Do you enjoy fitness? Try a martial arts class! Are you social minded? Go do some volunteering at Habitat for Humanity. Are you political? Get involved in your local political circle. Check out meetup.com for some local groups that might interest you.

All those suggestions are far better than the singles scene. Why? Because you're going into a place where the focus isn't about hooking up. Also the people you will meet are more likely to share a common interest, i.e. hey you already have a common point of interest that you can talk to the person about. Now he doesn't have to think of some cheesy line to approach you, and you have a friendly low-key reason to strike up a conversation. The added benefit is that even if nobody catches your eye, you can still entertain yourself.

Think of it this way...you looking for something special. Do you go to the same place where everyone else is looking for the exact same thing? No, then you're in competition with every one else for the same finite resources, and chances are there are more mediocre pickings than not. Expand your circle. Get out of your comfort zone. Explore new territory. Who know...you might find something extraordinary.

Comment by Yunek Treasure Hunter on March 16, 2009 at 2:40pm: Hey Dave, Im reading this because you said you were going to "drop some knowledge", and besides I am always looking to improve my awareness by having an open mind. We may not agree on everything, but I will hear you out, if you come with the respect. You come with the respect. Much success to you and your fiancee. I knew good men existed, and were not extent, they just come in many hues.

Comment by Nerissa - Truly Woman on March 16, 2009 at 2:17pm: Hey Dave, thanks for doing this. Your comments in the chat room today were quite enlightening. Essence magazine and many others always pump the idea that all the good men are taken and the rest in jail or on the down low. Conversations with many women seem to confirm this thought, although I strongly disagree. What is the male perspective on their chances of finding a good woman and are they concerned as we are about what magazines and the media say?