Would You Tell If You Knew Your Friends Man/Woman was Cheating?
My cousin just told me that her half brothers wife called her and said that he was cheating on her. She said that a friend of her's saw him and another woman at the movies and called and told her what she saw. To me the friend is a bit of a busy body. If I saw a friends man out with somebody else I would keep my mouth shut. I just don't think it's my place to tell something like that. Plus I am a firm believer that what is done in the dark will ALWAYS come to light, so eventually she would find out anyway. The only way I would tell a friend anything is if I saw her man with ANOTHER man.....then all bets are off. What says you?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by KC on -
I've learned to stay out of peoples business. Most times they know that there's someone else, some choose to look the other way for whatever reason. If this is there decision then it is what it is whether it's a good decision or not, when they ask for my advice then I will voice how I feel, until then they can stay on that ride until they decide to get off. Some people need to experience pain in order to learn.
KC
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Permalink Reply by Sharlinda on -
I had two very close girlfriends fallout over a situation like this. Girlfriend "A" told girlfriend "B" that she saw her man out and about with another chick......did sum FBI'ing found out he was all up on the girl's facebook pics, stating that he was her man, she had a baby on the way (by him) and everything. Well girlfriend "A" asked me what should she do, I told her to do nothing, cause she's not going to leave the man alone. Lo and behold, she told girlfriend "B" anyway!! When girlfriend "B" confronted her man about, she gave up her resources (like a dummy) he sweet-talked his way out of it and girlfriend "A" wasn't allowed over their house anymore cause "she is a shit starter". She did'nt leave him until 1 year and two babies (not by her) later.
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Permalink Reply by Kay Lynne' on -
I kid you not, I think in my early 20s a similiar situation occurred. So all of us (my friends) asked each other...."if we see your man w/another chick, would you want to be told. We all gave our answers, and that was that.
My answer was "If yall see my man with another chick and yall know and I hear it from someone else, I beating all you heffas asses, b/c thats what friends are for.
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Permalink Reply by LCJ on -
Yeah, same life scenario, just with grown folks this time. I had this happen to me in high school. I told a friend about her boyfriend messing around on her and yes he was in the presence of other people. Not only did she come down on me about it, but so did her so-called boyfriend. She ended up losing on both ends though. She lost me as a friend and the so-called boyfriend ended up with the other girl.
Another scenario: I knew of a friend's boyfriend messing around on her but decided not to say anything. When she discovered that I knew about it, she got mad at me for not telling her. I was like WTH???
Last scenario: I had a girlfriend (adult) who's my roommate several years ago who was seeing a guy who was still in relations with his EX. The sad part was, we all went to the same church and sang on the same choir. I came home later that evening and heard them arguing on the phone about it and I was like "Lawd have mercy." The next day she told me what happened and I said, "Yeah, I know." She said, "Girl, you knew and you didn't tell me?" My response was, "And tell you what? You knew this guy was up to no good before you started seeing him. Furthermore, you're just kicking with him for "the ride" anyway. Why waste my time telling a woman about a man she's screwing on a regular knowing she's going to keep screwing him???" She was like, "OMG, girl you are a trip!!!" I said, "I glad you know this!!!" She later apologized trying to act like a JA (jack a$$) about the issue, which really wasn't an issue, and we're still close friends to this day.
Honestly Yana, this is a no win situation. Usually when a man is cheating on his woman, trust me, that woman knows about it. She may ACT like she doesn't know, but she does. If you tell her, she'll come down on you. If you don't tell her, she'll come down on you. It's like she's using you as her scapegoat, knowingly and willing staying with a man who's cheating on her. So, I say keep your mouth shut and let her deal with it as best she can. If she comes to you and asks you about it, chances are she's trying to set you up or fish for information about something she alreadys knows. And when she confronts him, she'll be quick to say, "Yana said..." or "Yana told me that you..." Girl, some women will never change or grow up when it comes to relationships. I used to have sympathy for women who had cheating men in their lives, but not any more. Bottom line, she chose him, so let her stay with him.
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Permalink Reply by yana on -
My point exactly! Most women are at least some what aware of what their men are doing or what their men are capable of doing, so that's why I don't feel the need to add my two cents. Chances are good that she will turn on the friend before she turns on her man.
Sharlinda said:I had two very close girlfriends fallout over a situation like this. Girlfriend "A" told girlfriend "B" that she saw her man out and about with another chick......did sum FBI'ing found out he was all up on the girl's facebook pics, stating that he was her man, she had a baby on the way (by him) and everything. Well girlfriend "A" asked me what should she do, I told her to do nothing, cause she's not going to leave the man alone. Lo and behold, she told girlfriend "B" anyway!! When girlfriend "B" confronted her man about, she gave up her resources (like a dummy) he sweet-talked his way out of it and girlfriend "A" wasn't allowed over their house anymore cause "she is a shit starter". She did'nt leave him until 1 year and two babies (not by her) later.
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Permalink Reply by yana on
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I think most men would be more receptive of this news from one of their boys, then most women would be from one of their girls....
Tone said:I would ask his girl first, Then i would decide what i would do.
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Permalink Reply by Marie on -
@LCJ
Same situation happened with me and a childhood friend. The only thing was her boyfriend tried to Holla at me!! While my friend was pregnant in the other room....I was like boy are you out of your f#cken mind...lol He was so much of a BASTARD...he said even if you tell her she won't believe you...I knew he was right, but I told her anyway...he lied..lol So after that she wasn't allowed to talk to me for years...I thought to myself...."I supported her through the loss of her mother/grandmother"...pregnancy of her first child @ the age of 17! Yep I knew it, but she knew in her heart I wasn't lieing. She is still with him today! The only thing is she is now able to speak to me, but I keep it on a hi and bye level. That is one reason I don't trust women...so I don't have many female friends.
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Permalink Reply by AC on -
I would think if you use broad brush approach to whether you should tell or not you would be doing you and your friends a great dis-service. I know I would not tell all my friends, if I saw their lady out with another man. While you women are worried about possible estrangement from the friends, I am worried about possible homicide based on what i know about some of my friends.
I think if you have a good enough estimation of what type of person the friend is, you can determine how they will most likely react and be helping them by telling. I think men are more likely to not attack a friend for the info because unless another man has shown you he is an enemy in some way prior there is no reason to make up a story like that.
Plus if I knew my boy was cheating too, it is more likely he will welcome that info because it creates in his mind an excuse for what he has been doing whether he has been stepping out or been thinking about it. I definitely would not tell the dude who worshipped his woman and never even look to stray on her once....that dude is more likely to do something violent and that we can't come back from.
This is an individual applied rule in my mind. Take each case separately.
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Permalink Reply by LCJ on
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AC,
You are so on target with your response! :^)
Having a broad brush approach to whether I should tell or not I am doing myself and my friends a great dis-service. I do have a good enough estimation of what type of person my friend is, where I can determine how they will most likely react and be helping them by speaking up. In the past I haven't use my discernment like I should and dealt with those drama queen episode. Truth be told, AC, the typical woman knows her man is doing or what he's capable of doing. Chances are she's more than likely to turn against me as oppose to turning against him, whether I tell her or not. The older I get, the more less tolerant I am when it comes to foolishness, and this is one of them. So, I choose not to add my two cents. Furthermore, I have yet to see a man act a fool when he finds out his woman cheated on him,no matter how he finds out. He'll just break up with her and call it a day.
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Permalink Reply by Hannah Drake on -
Telling? Yep! Hell yeah I'm telling. Now after I tell what you decide to do is your business but I am not gonna have my bestfriend looking like a damn fool. I'm telling and telling quick fast and in a hurry and if my friend hears or sees anything about my man I would EXPECT her to tell me. So if you are gonna cheat don't do it around me because I will be telling!
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Permalink Reply by Sandra Price on -
I agree that I more than likely would not say a word, because hey if he or she is cheating on their mate the mate probably already knows and is excepting of it. Most times when you "tell it" it's turned on you. I would be there for my friend in the end if / when needed. but MUMS the word
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