Why is it seemingly o.k. for a woman to refrain from sex but a man doing the same is seen as strange or accused of not liking women?

I am a saved, educated, fun-loving, intelligent and well-traveled brother from D.C. who has decided not to sleep with another woman unless she is wearing my last name. I have been celibate for over 9 years now and find that I get very strange reactions from and even teased by other guys when they realize I am not having sex. I have even had women tell me that they couldn't date me because I wouldn't sleep with them. I am not trying to be "super Christian". I just love God and grew tired of breaking his heart by fornicating. I want my future wife to know that she is marrying a man who "waited" for her and that she will be gifting me with my first child. Is it such a bad or strange thing that now I want to wait until I get married or has society lost respect for those who really try to live what the Bible says?

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Permalink Reply by Ms. April on December 9, 2008 at 7:12pm: I definetly respect you for making the hardest decision a guy could ever make . These days everybody's sleeping around because they want to fit in or be cool . Stay the way you are and make god happy . Maybe you'll reach out to other men who feel ashamed to admit the same thing .; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by visionarychick10 on December 9, 2008 at 7:45pm: The real question is this: does it really matter if it is a strange or bad thing in other people's eyes. You've already made clear who you are trying to please, and He really is the only one that matters. I heard a message a few months ago that changed my outlook on things. His main point was this: An uncommon sacrifice bears uncommon fruit.

How common is it for a man who has his stuff together to choose to be celibate. And for 9 years at that. I believe he said he was celibate for 5. And then he met his wife and she was perfect for him, seemingly handpicked. His children (who are older teenagers and young adults) are wonderful and they love to spend time with their father. His oldest son never misses their weekly lunch date and he has to make his son stop talking so he can get where he needs to go. He's never had any issues with his family's health or finances. No legal issues.

He attributed all this to the sacrifice he made when he turned his life over to God, declaring that he loved Him more. And that, to me, was worth it.

So who cares what everybody else thinks? What power do they have? The one you are seeking to please is an all knowing, all powerful, ever faithful, grace giving God.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lee on December 9, 2008 at 7:55pm: Thank You. That was very encouraging and you are correct. I don't care how others criticize . I only care that they see what the power of God can do for a man's life. Be blessed.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tonya on December 9, 2008 at 8:32pm: God Bless you! You are truly an inspiration. Don't worry about the double-standard that this society has, that says that a man can't have constraint. I'm celibate myself, and although it may be more acceptable for a woman than a man, it is still met with strange looks and comments and people thinking that I'm a prude. People can mistake sex for fulfillment, and can continually chase after this so-called fulfillment because they are seeking something, but often don't find it. With diseases and unwanted children as consequences of the act, you'd think that it would make society see that the choice of abstinence is a good one. Stay strong, you WILL be rewarded!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ashley on December 10, 2008 at 6:14am: I think the base of this issue is the fact that men, by nature, have a powerful sex drive. Because of this, most men these days sleep with tons women without a second thought. As a result, it appears to them that there must be something wrong with those out there that do decide to refrain from sex.

I admire your decision to remain celibate, and I know that if you're truly listening to and following God, he'll be sure to give you a wonderful wife some day. :]; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by eimie on December 10, 2008 at 8:03am: I think society has lost touch with allot of it's good principals such as waiting for that special one and one house families. In the momentum of us getting rid of the things that were wrong with the old conservative ways and creating equality among races, genders etc,we have become more accepting of bad behaviors and creating exceptions principals that we should have left "as is". (i.e. gay marriage). The truth is, majority rules. The majority of women are used to sexually aggressive men and if he's anything otherwise eyebrows raise. Men are used to women being more easy if she is anything otherwise she gets dropped like a hot potato ( trust me). Today's relationships are all about instant gratification and no commitment. If you tell a guy no sex and that you want to date and get to know him, he thinks you're trying to marry him. I say if a woman meets you and can't respect or understand what you're trying to do consider it a blessing; being able to weed through the wrong women SO easily before you get to the right one! Anything good is worthing waiting for!!!!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jae on December 10, 2008 at 9:48am: Probably because in America it is uncommon for a young man to be celibate. Dare to be different. I admire those who are strong and flee from fornication. "Run Forest Run".; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jae on December 10, 2008 at 9:49am: P.S. It's human nature to want what we can't have.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jae on December 10, 2008 at 9:58am: I know girl, it's just the comic in me. I try to humorize everything.
Sexyy Redd said:
Jae, why you always have me laughing on the way you comment sometimes "run forest run" though??? Girl im at working crackin up......LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

Jae said:
Probably because in America it is uncommon for a young man to be celibate. Dare to be different. I admire those who are strong and flee from fornication. "Run Forest Run".; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by DezineDiva on December 10, 2008 at 10:32am: WOW!
That is amazing. I will tell you my $.02. Men are viewed as sex crazed, always wanting more more more. Women are supposed to be virtuous. Truth is this is hardly true, and can quite often be the reverse. I think it is good that you are celibate, please stick to your goal. You are not the only one out there, male or female with this goal, and you are definately an inspiration to young people.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keysha on December 10, 2008 at 11:11am: wow, ok, first-people are not used to this. its so rare. you are so rare. thats why people act simple when the find out. second, 9 years, thats a long time. I commend you. Since people act lame when you tell them, how about not telling them?

Take care,
ew; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lee on December 11, 2008 at 1:06am: Thanks for all the responses everyone. LADY you are wise to understand that some men do try to play the "sensitive" role in order to break down a woman's heart barriers. I don't play those games because a woman's heart is nothing to play with and if I mistreat her I have to answer to God cause just like a natural father Daddy(God) loves his little girls and He will protect them. I don't consider myself to be rare or one in a million cause a know quite a few brothers who are all doing right by society, their lady and their families. I do however see brothers everyday running away from their responsibilities. Maybe I need to expedite the book I am contemplating writing entitled "Lord, teach me to be a man" Would you buy a copy for your brothers, uncles, sons, nephews and male friends?; ▶ Reply to This