What do you think about women raising children with different men in and out of their home?
Parent’s if children are involved under the age eighteen they are first. “No excuse”, I am a single mother one daughter. Every other weekend she went to her Grandparents home, I dated when my child was not at home. My job as a parent love, raise provide confidence by example she could succeed in any career she desired. I did not introduce my child to any man my dating time when my child was out of my home. To re-capture respect we must keep our children from being a part of “man in man out transition”.
My daughter graduated from University of Maryland with honors, now employed as an educator. Please be careful who you aloud access to your children's heart, home. Parents can move on if a relationship does not work, but children sometime do not. Always be prayerful who you attach yourself too! Children do not choose us as parents we are responsible.
My daughter graduated from University of Maryland with honors, now employed as an educator. Please be careful who you aloud access to your children's heart, home. Parents can move on if a relationship does not work, but children sometime do not. Always be prayerful who you attach yourself too! Children do not choose us as parents we are responsible.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by page on -
j.c. i was thinking the samething.... why do women say this is uncle so and so.. i think thats crazy! maybe that needs to be the next discussion...
J.C. said:Good topic, I have to say that I agree with you all. As a single mother, my kids have only been around one man and we have been together for 7 yrs. With that relationship ending this is something that crossed my mind and I made the decision even before dating becomes an issue not to expose my children to new men in my life, unless I know it is serious and really going somewhere. Because children are too fragile and absorb everything we do. Oh yeah, this bugs me, just because I heard my kids talking to one of their friends the other day. Mamma has a live in boyfriend, which is cool and none of my business but why do women tell kids that's Uncle so and so like they stupid and don't know ya'll sleeping in the same bed. LOL
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Permalink Reply by diva diva diva on -
When I met a man I let them know straight up that my kids are MY responsibility and I was not looking for a father figure ot husband for them. My kids knew that I had time for them and time for myself and I have had men that spent the weekend with the 3 of us. When mom'shad company they knew it was time to them to clear the room. I didn't include my kids into everything that we did. It is good to look back on my life with my kids to see myself having a ball with other people instead of a shoebox full of pictures with me/them at Chucky Cheese all the time.
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Permalink Reply by virtuous2a9 on -
OMG! I JUST TOLD A FRIEND THIS VERY SAME THING. MY CHILDREN ARE NOT DATING; I AM. I HAD TWO GIRLS AT HOME NOW JUST THE NINE YEAR OLD AND UNLESS THIS GUY IS VERY SPECIAL AND WE ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP MY KIDS DON'T MEET THEM.
WE ARE THE MODELS IN OUR KIDS LIFE, WHAT WE SHOW THEM IS VERY IMPORTANT, I BELIEVE AS A PARENT YOU LIVE AND LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
SOMETIMES I THINK I' M TEACHING THEM TO BE TOO INDEPENDENT BUT THATS WHAT I DO, NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BUT I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND MINES-NO SUGAR DADDY WANNA BE'S AROUND ME. IF YOU KNOW SOME HOLLA! LOL.
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Permalink Reply by ChloeBarksdale on -
I wholeheartedly support your message. I too am a single mother. My daughter is 13 years old and have been around 3 men her entire life, her father included. The other two were very long term relationships with the current one being 5 years. She did not meet my boyfriend until we were 9 months into the seriousness of our relationship and I sat down with both of them individually to make sure that they were ready and prepared to build a relationship together. It angers me so to see and hear of women meeting various men and bringing them around their children....and even more so when they try to almost "push" them into a daddy role or make the child look at the man as a father figure. And when I hear of the amount of children that are abused and even die at the hands of some woman's "man", I can't even explain the rage that I feel. The man is dating YOU...not your child. It also displays a bit of whorish behavior to your daughters to have men running in and out of your life and diminishes the respect that boys have for women to see the same. No one expects you to be chaste....but at the same time, if you are not going to respect yourself...respect your children. This type of behavior is confusing and causes resentment as well.
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Permalink Reply by Tinnette on -
Wow, I've read every comment and found ONLY 1 that I absolutely agree with (Ms. Vicki M. Warren). Although I respect each and everyone's opinion on this topic, I think it's dilusional to think that you can't date and possibly have your child/ren meet the man/woman eventually. Here's your problem, so after 9mons. to a year or more, your partner meets your children after you've taken all the necessary precautions to ensure you are IN a relationship and you can move forward. So, time goes by and eventually the relationship goes sour and you break up. So you start secretly dating and the kids don't meet the next guy that seems to be a good fit??? What are you telling them when you do go on a date? I'm going out with Uncle Bobby? (Lying-so much for protecting and teaching). Oh, so we want the kids to think we don't have a life, that no one likes us and wants to be with us and DATE US? I think we should protect our children at all costs and one of the best ways to protect them is to tell them and show them the TRUTH. That this is life, you win some, you lose some but you have to keep trying and always maintain your respect and dignity. If you keep secrets, they'll keep secrets. Then, when the kids bring nutjobs home you're wondering "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON"??? They throw it back in your face dating until they thought it was serious enogh for an introduction... *L* I don't think so... I've had 3 serious relationships including my donor in the 14 years I've been parenting. My situation was, if I wanted to see him or him me, he'd have to meet my daughter (eventually). The first time, she was too young to remember (1yr old), we dated for 31/2 yrs. she re-met him for the first time a few months ago and had no clue who he was. And currently, in and out of a 3yr relationship, she's met him, not crazy about him (I'm working on that one - another topic) but she knows that mother has a life and it includes her 100% and other times me and that entails whatever I want to do. Some women don't have the luxury of sending their children to a family or friend all the time. When you find a person that's worth spending time with there has to be an understanding and perimeters need to be set when in the company of the children. Children aren't dumb, they learn exactly what we teach them. I don't live by societies rules, I do my best to live by the truth. Believe me, they know, so please give these kids some credit. What you don't tell them someone will, good chance it's all wrong...
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Permalink Reply by sens on -
It's dead wrong!!!!!! It's sends the wrong message to children! They feel like anyone can walk in and out of their lives and it's okay! NOT!!!!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Lei on -
Jae, I don't agree - I think you should put yourself first because if you are well, then your children will be too. But you are right, children get attached to people too and shouldn't have men going in and out of their life. Put yourself first, just don't expose them to a man unless he is talking about something.
Jae said:I'm guilty and ashamed. I have 2 daughters and yes they have seen me date. I have exposed them to the ups & downs of relationships. I regret it and I'm ashamed. I promised not to ever bring another man around again. This is so true and nothing new. We as single women have to decide what's most important, us or them. The realization of being a mother is putting self last.
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Permalink Reply by Lei on
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3 relationships is respectable, especially in 14 years - but what about women who have 3 men in 3 months? I think those are the women that most of us are talking about.
Tinnette said:Wow, I've read every comment and found ONLY 1 that I absolutely agree with (Ms. Vicki M. Warren). Although I respect each and everyone's opinion on this topic, I think it's dilusional to think that you can't date and possibly have your child/ren meet the man/woman eventually. Here's your problem, so after 9mons. to a year or more, your partner meets your children after you've taken all the necessary precautions to ensure you are IN a relationship and you can move forward. So, time goes by and eventually the relationship goes sour and you break up. So you start secretly dating and the kids don't meet the next guy that seems to be a good fit??? What are you telling them when you do go on a date? I'm going out with Uncle Bobby? (Lying-so much for protecting and teaching). Oh, so we want the kids to think we don't have a life, that no one likes us and wants to be with us and DATE US? I think we should protect our children at all costs and one of the best ways to protect them is to tell them and show them the TRUTH. That this is life, you win some, you lose some but you have to keep trying and always maintain your respect and dignity. If you keep secrets, they'll keep secrets. Then, when the kids bring nutjobs home you're wondering "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON"??? They throw it back in your face dating until they thought it was serious enogh for an introduction... *L* I don't think so... I've had 3 serious relationships including my donor in the 14 years I've been parenting. My situation was, if I wanted to see him or him me, he'd have to meet my daughter (eventually). The first time, she was too young to remember (1yr old), we dated for 31/2 yrs. she re-met him for the first time a few months ago and had no clue who he was. And currently, in and out of a 3yr relationship, she's met him, not crazy about him (I'm working on that one - another topic) but she knows that mother has a life and it includes her 100% and other times me and that entails whatever I want to do. Some women don't have the luxury of sending their children to a family or friend all the time. When you find a person that's worth spending time with there has to be an understanding and perimeters need to be set when in the company of the children. Children aren't dumb, they learn exactly what we teach them. I don't live by societies rules, I do my best to live by the truth. Believe me, they know, so please give these kids some credit. What you don't tell them someone will, good chance it's all wrong...
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Permalink Reply by diva diva diva on
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People come and people go. Marriage doesn't secure anything. It is wrong for you to be seeing someone for months and then BAM tell the kids this is Frank and we are serious about each other and you expect for them to automatically in your own dreamland expect for them to get along like Little House on the Prairie hold hands and walk off in the sunset. If you play those games don't get mad when you fine out that the man you have been secretly meeting had some kids somewhere you didn't know anything about and you never met them before. If you and the man you were seeing broke up you don't have to explain it to the child as if is an adult talking to your friends. It is none of their buisness. They get over it quickly, it is us an adult who make a big deal about it.
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Permalink Reply by Tinnette on
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It really depends on how you carry yourself. The "WHAT IF" factor is huge. "What if" she happened to be out with her kid(s) and saw one or two of them, you can walk by as if you two didn't see eachother or stop and say hello and introduce the person to your child as a friend, becuase that's all he is anyway, right? How will children learn how to befriend, get to know, date, have relationships if we don't talk to them and teach them. It starts with friendship, well it should and sometimes friendships don't work out. But that should make us want to end these relationships (if necessary) honestly and amicably, so the children aren't CONFUSED and thinking their mother is a WHORE. That's ALWAYS been the dumbest thing I've heard. Tell the truth, be kind and sensitive with what you tell them, they'll respect you more for it, moreso because you demand it. Someone tells your child, you're mother's a whore and unstable for so and so reasons, you tell them, I'm not! YOU help train and develop their minds with your words and actions. They don't need to know everything, they need to know what's necessary.
Lei said:3 relationships is respectable, especially in 14 years - but what about women who have 3 men in 3 months? I think those are the women that most of us are talking about.
Tinnette said:Wow, I've read every comment and found ONLY 1 that I absolutely agree with (Ms. Vicki M. Warren). Although I respect each and everyone's opinion on this topic, I think it's dilusional to think that you can't date and possibly have your child/ren meet the man/woman eventually. Here's your problem, so after 9mons. to a year or more, your partner meets your children after you've taken all the necessary precautions to ensure you are IN a relationship and you can move forward. So, time goes by and eventually the relationship goes sour and you break up. So you start secretly dating and the kids don't meet the next guy that seems to be a good fit??? What are you telling them when you do go on a date? I'm going out with Uncle Bobby? (Lying-so much for protecting and teaching). Oh, so we want the kids to think we don't have a life, that no one likes us and wants to be with us and DATE US? I think we should protect our children at all costs and one of the best ways to protect them is to tell them and show them the TRUTH. That this is life, you win some, you lose some but you have to keep trying and always maintain your respect and dignity. If you keep secrets, they'll keep secrets. Then, when the kids bring nutjobs home you're wondering "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON"??? They throw it back in your face dating until they thought it was serious enogh for an introduction... *L* I don't think so... I've had 3 serious relationships including my donor in the 14 years I've been parenting. My situation was, if I wanted to see him or him me, he'd have to meet my daughter (eventually). The first time, she was too young to remember (1yr old), we dated for 31/2 yrs. she re-met him for the first time a few months ago and had no clue who he was. And currently, in and out of a 3yr relationship, she's met him, not crazy about him (I'm working on that one - another topic) but she knows that mother has a life and it includes her 100% and other times me and that entails whatever I want to do. Some women don't have the luxury of sending their children to a family or friend all the time. When you find a person that's worth spending time with there has to be an understanding and perimeters need to be set when in the company of the children. Children aren't dumb, they learn exactly what we teach them. I don't live by societies rules, I do my best to live by the truth. Believe me, they know, so please give these kids some credit. What you don't tell them someone will, good chance it's all wrong...
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Permalink Reply by ChloeBarksdale on
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Secretly dating???? How is anything a secret when it's an adult situation that is not something that you even have to discuss with your child? That is the problem as it is....too many parents having adult conversations and imparting adult situations with their children. When you are dating obviously your child is either with a babysitter or relative....there is nothing to discuss with that child because it is an adult situation. If the relationship goes sour then so be it..it is a part of life. But we have to be realistic that in this day an age, more relationships go sour and don't work out than ever before therefore you have to set limitations in the amount of men that your child(ren) meet and unfortunately, too many sisters see nothing wrong with bringing different men around their children. When you decide to have a child, there are some sacrifices that you have to make for the sake of your child. If you don't have the luxury of always being able to send your child to someone or have someone come watch your child....that is one of the sacrifices that you must make. No one is saying don't date....yet at the same time, having your child meet different men and especially having some man laying up in your bed while your child is there...I just can't get with that. You have to also understand the emotional attachment you are creating and the confusion as well when you are introducing these men to your children. Especially if the father is missing or not very active. Children are not naive or stupid by any means...and that is ever more reason to be selective in who you bring around.....how can you teach your daughter to be selective in her choices if you are parading various men around. 4 Men in less than a year is too much. 4 men in four years for me is too me. But hey, to each his/her own.
Tinnette said:Wow, I've read every comment and found ONLY 1 that I absolutely agree with (Ms. Vicki M. Warren). Although I respect each and everyone's opinion on this topic, I think it's dilusional to think that you can't date and possibly have your child/ren meet the man/woman eventually. Here's your problem, so after 9mons. to a year or more, your partner meets your children after you've taken all the necessary precautions to ensure you are IN a relationship and you can move forward. So, time goes by and eventually the relationship goes sour and you break up. So you start secretly dating and the kids don't meet the next guy that seems to be a good fit??? What are you telling them when you do go on a date? I'm going out with Uncle Bobby? (Lying-so much for protecting and teaching). Oh, so we want the kids to think we don't have a life, that no one likes us and wants to be with us and DATE US? I think we should protect our children at all costs and one of the best ways to protect them is to tell them and show them the TRUTH. That this is life, you win some, you lose some but you have to keep trying and always maintain your respect and dignity. If you keep secrets, they'll keep secrets. Then, when the kids bring nutjobs home you're wondering "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON"??? They throw it back in your face dating until they thought it was serious enogh for an introduction... *L* I don't think so... I've had 3 serious relationships including my donor in the 14 years I've been parenting. My situation was, if I wanted to see him or him me, he'd have to meet my daughter (eventually). The first time, she was too young to remember (1yr old), we dated for 31/2 yrs. she re-met him for the first time a few months ago and had no clue who he was. And currently, in and out of a 3yr relationship, she's met him, not crazy about him (I'm working on that one - another topic) but she knows that mother has a life and it includes her 100% and other times me and that entails whatever I want to do. Some women don't have the luxury of sending their children to a family or friend all the time. When you find a person that's worth spending time with there has to be an understanding and perimeters need to be set when in the company of the children. Children aren't dumb, they learn exactly what we teach them. I don't live by societies rules, I do my best to live by the truth. Believe me, they know, so please give these kids some credit. What you don't tell them someone will, good chance it's all wrong...
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Permalink Reply by ChloeBarksdale on
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I agree with your accessment of things. But there are so many women that have a revolving door up which I feel is not good for children. Yes, your daughter and son should see mommy being "Dated", but in this day and age....dating is falling by the way side for quick and fast. Too many single mothers are bringing too many men around their children. Women meet men all the time and go out....but during that getting to know you phase and not sure where it is headed, you should keep the children out of it.
Sexyy Redd said:VERY VERY VERY WELL PUT, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY HONESTLY
vickie m. warren said:When my kids were young I dated my butt off and my babies went to college doing quite well anf they will let you know that t hey got a lotta love from this mother. Our kids expecially our daughters need to see man coming to the door and RINGING the bell taking mommy out to dinner instead of sitting in the car blowing his horn for you. They need to know sometimes dinner is just dinner no more no less. How are our kids to know that mommy all of a sudden has a man and he never came to the house. If your child started meeting boys on the corner and never bought them to the house don't get mad because that is the example you set and that is one of the reasons why kids don;t know how to take someone on a date. Kids also needs to know that if you are with someone you love you will have problems and breakup. That is a fact of life. That is why a lot of kids are sooo attached to one person and act as if me and this person is gonna be together for life and when they breakup they go nuts. They get toooo serious so soon. I have seen too many women who don't date when the kids are young and when the children get grown they are trying to date again for the first time in years. They look/act like a deer caught in headlights because they don't know what to do. They don't know how to dress/act with a man because they close their life off and thinks I am gonna get out there again after 18/20 years and get it right. My girls tell me all of the time "THANKS for having a life and showing us how to do it.
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