Daddy's girl?
How has the absence or presence of a father figure affected the way you ladies have grown to socialize with the men (husbands, boyfriends, sons, platonic friend, nephews, co-workers etc.) in your lives?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by moni on -
I was raised by my mother and grandmother. I did not meet my daddy until I was 13 and he still was not part of my life. Im 27 now and the last time I can recall seeing my dad was maybe 2 or 3 years ago. He has never been an influence in my life and sometimes I feel like I hate him for not being a part of my life. I blame him for the type of men I have dealt with. He has taught me nothing! My mom tried to teach me as much as possible about men and dating, but she cant tell me everything. And I'm sure its nothing like having that father figure to bring your dates around to have them grilled; so they can know I better act right because her daddy don't play. I think if I had a better relationship with him, I would have better relationships with men. .
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Permalink Reply by Daisy on
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I was raised by a great man who I call and consider my father since he has been there since I was born. That being said I believe once I found out at 10 that he wasnt my bio. father that affected the way I interact with men. I think I believe men will leave me because my bio. father did. My father showed me what a real man is and how he should conduct himself and I have made pretty decent choices in men. Ironically my sister (her bio father raised me) is a daddys girl till the day she dies yet she has picked not one but TWO sorry men as her babys daddys so go figure.
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Permalink Reply by Dr. Gina M.-S. on -
My dad, in so many words was a wannabe gangsta, player and baller... He and his buddies ran games on women that was soooooooo wrong... I guess I was his punishment. Because after he graduated from dental school, became a professional and the minute my mom said she was pregnant with me, he was hoping to God I was not a girl... And here I come, looking just like him.
Now, when I became a teenager, he told me if I ever wanted anything in this life, I would have to work for it. So, I worked in his dental office for some 8 years before I left for college. And whenever I scraped my knee, or got into trouble with my mom, or whatever I did, he was there to diffuse the situation for me.
While he did not teach me about the "mechanics" of sex, he did warn me about the emotional drains of it: i.e. "Never let a man buy you clothes...", or "You know they don't play any music while you are having sex..."; or "What are you going to do if the guy says, let me take you to my friends house..."
I think he told me all that stuff because he knew ALL the games men play on women--because he's been there, done that...
As a young woman, there were times I did some questionable ignorant things. But, my dad never had to straighten me out for doing them, like in the movie "The Bucket List" when Jack Nicholson's character says he took care of his daughter's husband after he hit her twice...
And ironically, every man in my father's family including my dad (I have 4 uncles), all threatened my husband that if they find out he EVER hit me, he'd be dead. Now my husband would NEVER hit me, I did NOT marry a fool. But we get into arguments like all marital relationships, however, we fight pretty fair. Rarely is it unfair.
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Permalink Reply by monniej on -
this is a question that actually cut me both ways. i've always wanted to be a daddy's girl, but my dad wasn't the type of man that had a great affection for his children. no hugging or touching. don't get me wrong, he was there (and still is!) and he was a great provider, but his lack of emotion left me disillusioned about relationships until my late 30s. the absence of a need for interaction with the family unit has left all of us, my brother and sister, somewhat disfunctional. i don't mean in an abusive way, but in a "no mercy" kind of way. i don't do pity parties and have little patience for those that do. i'm very protective of my emotions and feelings in a "never let them see you sweat" way. the greatest thing he taught me is that you have to accept people for who they are and if you're not getting what you need then that's your fault. sounds tough, but even though i would have loved that "father knows best" relationship, i can't say that what i've learned has been all bad. i can sum it up in that famous quote by maya angelo, "when people tell you how they are, believe them!", and that's probably the most honest way to approach any relationship.
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Permalink Reply by KC on -
I was and still am a daddy's girl, he's such a great guy, he set the bar very high when it came to expectations of a man. I love him with all my heart, I love daddy! All hail to all the daddy's girls!! lol!!
KC
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Permalink Reply by sweetgeorgiapeach on -
I had one of those dads that were there but not there. My parents were never married or together during my life but he was never a mystery nor did I ever have to wonder where he was. He always was a phone call away and lives same house for most of my life. I could always call or go see him if I wanted and he was cool with that and if I never called or asked to him he was cool with that too.
My dad was emotionally distant. His distance was very much related to his relunctance to pay child support. My mother lost patience it was too much trouble to have to beg and chase down a man who knew what the right thing was to do but didn't want to do and found every possible way not to do ut. So mom just did what she had to do to make sure I was taken care of with or without his help. This has taught me to NEVER depend on a man for NOTHING. To always have my own and to never allow myself to be put into a position where a man could leave me destitute and without options. Always have plan B and another way out to land on your feet. I come from a long line of strong independent women that knew how to get it done for themselves.
Due to my father being an emotionally unattentive and financially neglectful parent, the very precise exact moment that I see man acting or doing something that reflects he does not care about me then I am ready walk away from the situation. If I see any type of disrespect or disregard for my feelings to me the relationship does not need to go further. I won't drop a guy the first time a transgression has been committed but will express how I feel. Then if the behavior persists then it is over. And I don't believe in second chances either. I will not willingly sit by and play nobody's fool.
I guess you can call this my defense mechanism. I would love to find someone one day that I can let down that guard with but so far it has protected me from the possibility of some pretty messy situations. Let's just say I got out while I was ahead. I would never ever hold my issues against a man that I am involved with making him pay for what my dad did. I am open to person and their faults and I am aware that I have my own. But there is a line that can be crossed where if a person makes me feel unworthy that I just gotta go, gotta leave.
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