Black Women and Love: Good Black Man. Myth??
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Black Beauty on -
I have not given up on the hope of finding a good black man. I am currently getting my divorce finalized and I'm single. I know my king is out here somewhere. I just don't think he is in my town! I I'm not actively "looking" for a man because I feel like if I put too much effort into it nothing good will come of it. I am going to let him "find" me. I don't know how long it'ts going to be but I'm just biding my time. In order to be more visible, if you see someone who piques your interest a simple hello my name is......will suffice. The pick up lines don't work, just be yourself. I would rather a gentleman approach me introduce himself and take it from there.
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Permalink Reply by Christopher D. Sims on -
That's good advice Michele.
Michele Perdue said:I have not given up on the hope of finding a good black man. I am currently getting my divorce finalized and I'm single. I know my king is out here somewhere. I just don't think he is in my town! I I'm not actively "looking" for a man because I feel like if I put too much effort into it nothing good will come of it. I am going to let him "find" me. I don't know how long it'ts going to be but I'm just biding my time. In order to be more visible, if you see someone who piques your interest a simple hello my name is......will suffice. The pick up lines don't work, just be yourself. I would rather a gentleman approach me introduce himself and take it from there.
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Permalink Reply by Dr. Gina M.-S. on -
*****Sorry LONG*****
I am married to a beautiful, sexxxy, fine, smart, industrious, lovely, creative, kissy-kissy, BLACK man!!! Let's just say that stars did align, and God moved Heaven and Earth for us to meet, fall in love, marry and maintain our marriage for almost 6 years... I was 34 years old when I married. We did not have children. I hold a Ph.D. in molecular genetics and have published 7 scientific research articles. And even with all those "stats", I still was a broken woman... I suffer from a mental health issue. Most men do not want to deal with all of that. At the same time, for every Black man that says that, some of them are jockeying up to the "Octamom" Nayda Suleman... So, I did not understand why I could not meet myself a decent man before I met my husband...
Well, it did take The Higher Power, I prayed fervently to God to change my heart to relish in the joys of the unmarried life and celibacy--although I deeply wanted in my heart to be married to a who loved me as I loved him... What God did was wholly unexpected... He "reset" me--like a computer is "re-booted"--my whole world was flipped upside down... And then, there he was, my future husband... Incomplete as a man as he was, he was just beautiful... Just what God made for me!!! Why he had not come sooner? I was not ready... Marriage is no joke for all the work it requires.
What can Black men do to appeal to single Black women? Be your BESTself at all times. If you doubt yourself that is something that you need to be working on separately from her. The issue is stepping up and coming correct to her. If she is a high powered sistah making her way through her career, caring for her family and life, ask yourself how come she needs you to come in and mess it up for her if you are out of order? Times these days are tough, and while you may be laid off, and things are rough and she actually is a "rocket scientist", then present your BEST self...
Why? Because she is hoping for you! Yes, even the "rocket scientist". If all you can manage is being that "house husband", massaging her feet when she has a long day, you also have to organize your "career portfolio" and organize your business plan. The issue is with the Bruhs meeting and playaz cardz... We all know when that men have to hook up together to carouse and cajole. They need that. But an out of work Brotha, is not supported when his friends are all up in the mix of the relationship. KEEP THAT SEPARATE!!! Put meaning into "Let no one put asunder..."
The irony to all of this Nice Guys finish last--BUT, they finish best--good things come to those who wait... You do not have the rough neck thuggish swagger so often sold by the solid filled deodorant/antiperspirant commercials sell. Operate your swagger with the "downward facing dog" move or the "sets of nine"... With a look or a brief "accidental" graze across her elbow... The impressions do not have to be in alcoholic beverages unless that is something you do. Meeting women is not that difficult. Not knowing what you get is a poor recruitment strategy. You are playing fantasy football without the latest ESPN stats. You choose to live life like a box of chocolate--you are unwrapping these "presents" too fast... Breathe... There are keyword concepts you need to hear or see: she actually does feed your ego; she makes some time for you and makes it memorable by a small random act of kindness; and she keeps up some form of routine/upkeep you LOVE... Nice guys cannot handle "female problems" with baby's mama's and daddy's dramas. Leave that to the playaz...
Encouraging words: Know that no one is perfect. We all come to the relationship with our own baggage and drama. It is all a matter of what you are willing to live with and tolerate. That there will be ups and downs with all relationships. It takes time to experience everything. There are give and takes, but think of them like investments... What are you investing in? Should you all choose marriage, please see marital enrichment prior to marriage. Some key issues do not get ferreted out until after you marry, but those issue ought not be major ones that are important to you and your values. No matter how direct you are prior to the marriage about the deal, once that ink is dry, all bets are off... So keep your strong values and judgments "lucid" to a point. A fish might love a bird, but where would they live? Know that research has shown that what keeps couples together is how they deal with each other during the tough times and if anything that is based on personal values and judgments, upbringing and other people's involvements (family, friends, church, etc.)
These are all suggestions. You may take them or leave them. If you have questions, comments, or other, please feel free to contact me.
Nameste',
Dr. Gina M.-S.
Ariafya LLC
Founding Member & President
Mental Zeal for Spirit & Well-Being
Within Unity There Is Strength
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Permalink Reply by Darrell Joyce on -
My books explain all that! Read the cover. Vol. 1 of 2 books. This book (Vol 1) clearly explains why and how women assume good men do not exist and how to erase this b/s myth from your brains.
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Permalink Reply by Christopher D. Sims on
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Wow. Lots of good information and suggestions Dr. Gina. These are words to inhale and to live by!
Dr. Gina M.-S. said:*****Sorry LONG*****
I am married to a beautiful, sexxxy, fine, smart, industrious, lovely, creative, kissy-kissy, BLACK man!!! Let's just say that stars did align, and God moved Heaven and Earth for us to meet, fall in love, marry and maintain our marriage for almost 6 years... I was 34 years old when I married. We did not have children. I hold a Ph.D. in molecular genetics and have published 7 scientific research articles. And even with all those "stats", I still was a broken woman... I suffer from a mental health issue. Most men do not want to deal with all of that. At the same time, for every Black man that says that, some of them are jockeying up to the "Octamom" Nayda Suleman... So, I did not understand why I could not meet myself a decent man before I met my husband...
Well, it did take The Higher Power, I prayed fervently to God to change my heart to relish in the joys of the unmarried life and celibacy--although I deeply wanted in my heart to be married to a who loved me as I loved him... What God did was wholly unexpected... He "reset" me--like a computer is "re-booted"--my whole world was flipped upside down... And then, there he was, my future husband... Incomplete as a man as he was, he was just beautiful... Just what God made for me!!! Why he had not come sooner? I was not ready... Marriage is no joke for all the work it requires.
What can Black men do to appeal to single Black women? Be your BESTself at all times. If you doubt yourself that is something that you need to be working on separately from her. The issue is stepping up and coming correct to her. If she is a high powered sistah making her way through her career, caring for her family and life, ask yourself how come she needs you to come in and mess it up for her if you are out of order? Times these days are tough, and while you may be laid off, and things are rough and she actually is a "rocket scientist", then present your BEST self...
Why? Because she is hoping for you! Yes, even the "rocket scientist". If all you can manage is being that "house husband", massaging her feet when she has a long day, you also have to organize your "career portfolio" and organize your business plan. The issue is with the Bruhs meeting and playaz cardz... We all know when that men have to hook up together to carouse and cajole. They need that. But an out of work Brotha, is not supported when his friends are all up in the mix of the relationship. KEEP THAT SEPARATE!!! Put meaning into "Let no one put asunder..."
The irony to all of this Nice Guys finish last--BUT, they finish best--good things come to those who wait... You do not have the rough neck thuggish swagger so often sold by the solid filled deodorant/antiperspirant commercials sell. Operate your swagger with the "downward facing dog" move or the "sets of nine"... With a look or a brief "accidental" graze across her elbow... The impressions do not have to be in alcoholic beverages unless that is something you do. Meeting women is not that difficult. Not knowing what you get is a poor recruitment strategy. You are playing fantasy football without the latest ESPN stats. You choose to live life like a box of chocolate--you are unwrapping these "presents" too fast... Breathe... There are keyword concepts you need to hear or see: she actually does feed your ego; she makes some time for you and makes it memorable by a small random act of kindness; and she keeps up some form of routine/upkeep you LOVE... Nice guys cannot handle "female problems" with baby's mama's and daddy's dramas. Leave that to the playaz...
Encouraging words: Know that no one is perfect. We all come to the relationship with our own baggage and drama. It is all a matter of what you are willing to live with and tolerate. That there will be ups and downs with all relationships. It takes time to experience everything. There are give and takes, but think of them like investments... What are you investing in? Should you all choose marriage, please see marital enrichment prior to marriage. Some key issues do not get ferreted out until after you marry, but those issue ought not be major ones that are important to you and your values. No matter how direct you are prior to the marriage about the deal, once that ink is dry, all bets are off... So keep your strong values and judgments "lucid" to a point. A fish might love a bird, but where would they live? Know that research has shown that what keeps couples together is how they deal with each other during the tough times and if anything that is based on personal values and judgments, upbringing and other people's involvements (family, friends, church, etc.)
These are all suggestions. You may take them or leave them. If you have questions, comments, or other, please feel free to contact me.
Nameste',
Dr. Gina M.-S.
Ariafya LLC
Founding Member & President
Mental Zeal for Spirit & Well-Being
Within Unity There Is Strength
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Permalink Reply by victoria on -
i almost gave up on black men until I realized that you cant judge all by that elect few of incompetence. A good black man is one that can admit upfront that he has faults. I am currently single, enjoying raising my children on my own. its my own fault for settling for less than what I know i deserve..I put up with from infedelity to physical abuse until I told myself to just stop trying to make things work. Hoding on to a man that doesnt want to be held onto is like being dragged down a street at 60 mph. you are going to get hurt. Im sure there are still good, no great GOD-fearing black men out there, where, Im not quite sure, but speaking up like michele said when you're interested really really really helps the search along.
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